Top Ten Sex Tips

8 min read

photo: SexArt

A conversation between Elle Beau and James Neil Clarke about some of their hottest moves.

You’ve seen lists like Cosmo’s top sex tips, which includes things such as: communicate better, take a bath together before sex, or have sex in a hotel room. This is not that list! While we think it’s very important to connect more fully with your partner and create a sexy ambiance, our list contains techniques that we’ve learned over our 30 years together that are hot AF! Our list also comes from opening up our relationship to include other people, but you don’t necessarily need a third, fourth, or fifth playmate to enjoy the list below.

In no particular order:

  1. Oral sex with coffee

James: Elle and I like to have sex in the morning, and we both like to drink coffee. The human body is usually around 98.6 degees Fahrenheit, and coffee is served at about 155-175 degrees. I’m not suggesting that you pour hot coffee on each other. Instead, take a couple of big sips to warm the inside of your mouth and then go down on your partner. Swallow the coffee first, of course! Scalding would be hard to explain at the ER.

Elle: When we were younger, oral sex with ice in your mouth was considered innovative, but we never found it very enjoyable. Too cold, and it’s hard to hold ice in your mouth. An affirmatively warm mouth is sensual and feels amazing. This technique works equally well on men and women. It’s hot!

James: Big flat-tongued slurps work best on her.

2. Pressing on her pubic bone when she cums

James: This is a new one that we recently came up with, and we are glad that we did. After she starts to cum, hold you hand up (like motioning to stop) and press your flat palm against her vulva. Press the top of your palm firmly against her pubic bone and hold it there. Don’t try to keep rubbing her clit — that is a no-no. But there is an exception to that “rule” for toys (See #10 below). For now, just press firmly against her pubic bone and cover her vulva. She will thank you.

Elle: We tested this with two other girlfriends, and they agree with me that it feels really amazing, and it prolongs the intensity of the orgasm. It gives the contractions in your pussy something to bump up against. Firm resistance allows you to feel the contractions more fully, like it’s looping them back into your body. Like an echo.

3. Looking up (with glasses) during oral sex

Elle: We were watching Katie Morgan talk about this on HBO, and James confirmed (after years of not sharing this tip) that it is really hot. Men really like when you look up at them when their cock is in your mouth. I tested this with several male playmates (one was a well-known gigolo), and they all agree that it takes a blowjob to a whole new level. I sometimes wear glasses, like a sexy librarian, to add to the effect. The men all groan and writhe in pleasure when I look up at them and make eye contact, but it works pretty great with women too. (More about this in #7 below.)

James: Yes. Having Elle look up at me while she sucks my dick is super hot. When you are a young guy, you are just so happy to have your cock sucked that you don’t ask for any extras, but having her look up at you is next-level sexiness.

4. Touching tongue tips together

Elle: This is from a tantra article that we read online, and it actually really works. When you are about to cum, touch tongue tips with your partner. It completes an energy circuit between you.

James: When we do this, we feel a spark and a connection that really intensifies our orgasms. You don’t have to cum simultaneously (that’s pretty hard to pull off), but touching tongue tips adds an energy bump that feels amazing to you both.

5. Stroking her G-spot properly (and even squirting)

Elle: We have some girlfriends who have said that they generally don’t like fingers inside of them, but when James does it, they really love it. We do it almost every time we have sex because it feels so good. It’s how I learned to squirt, and I can’t really describe how it makes me feel when I cum, because I go completely out of my head. It is amazing! I really like to have something inside of me (a cock, a dildo, or fingers) to help me cum. The clitoris is not just a little love button all by itself. It is part of a large system inside of the pelvis that all gets activated together with James’ technique.

James: This tip is not about a lot of violent rubbing against the G-spot to milk a gland and produce a squirt. Elle and our friend Tamara both have had that from other men, and they describe it as feeling “weird” and not affirmatively pleasurable. Tam described it as, “What happened?” That kind of squirting does not come with an orgasm. So, we say, “hard pass.” Instead, I like to lick the woman’s pussy slowly at first, avoiding the clitoris. Then, as she heats up, I move to steady licks near the clit, and later, over it at a consistent pace. Not super fast, you need to keep up a steady rhythm. Next, I swirl a finger around her vaginal opening. Elle says it feels like two tongues at work. After a few minutes, I gently insert my index finger into her vagina, which usually elicits a pleasurable gasp. Shortly thereafter, I insert my middle finger, too. That finger stays pretty still, and its purpose is to fill her more deeply. My index finger slides firmly up and down over her G-spot. The G-spot is only about an inch or so inside on the upper wall, and it feels spongy. Light pressure first. Keep this up and continue to lick her clit, or she can use a vibrator. As she starts to cum, swipe more firmly against her G-spot two or three times (outward strokes), then pull your fingers out. She needs your fingers out to squirt. Almost all the women I have done this with squirt a little, and some a lot. I find it very satisfying to give pleasure like this.

Elle: You might want to put a towel down first!

6. Pinky in the ass

James: This one especially needs affirmative consent because it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. It can be done in conjunction with tip #5 above, and every single woman I have done this with has cum really hard. Lick her pussy like you normally would, and when you agree the time is right, glide your pinky gently into her ass. No sudden movements! Obviously, you need to be mindful of hygiene and lubrication. The trick that makes it work is to remove your pinky as she starts to cum. Her little bum-hole contracts just like her vagina. Magical!

Elle: I didn’t think that I would like this nearly as much as I do. No one tells you how many nerve endings you have back there, or that it could feel really good. It does make me cum really hard.

7. Standing up on the bed

Elle: We picked this up from a guy friend, and we share it with everyone. It’s primal and practical. It allows me to take a cock further into my mouth while still being in a comfortable position. It also has an element of wild playfulness, because adults aren’t supposed to stand on the bed.

James: I really like this one. I did it once with Elle and two girlfriends, and they took turns sucking my cock while I stood over them on the bed. The view was so spectacular that I invited them each to stand next to me one at a time to see how awesome it is. I also think that standing on the bed is a kindness to the person performing the blowjob. I don’t like the thought of them hurting their knees. It is also super cool to have a woman tower over you like a giantess when she stands on the bed. I confess that is a fetish, but it’s an easy one to catch once you try it. A “wide stance” is useful for balance.

Elle: I like to stand on the bed with someone’s mouth on me, while they run their hands up and down my legs. It’s a powerful feeling.

8. Fuck slowly as you are cumming

James: This one applies more to the men, and not surprisingly, I learned it from masturbating. As you are nearing orgasm, there is almost an innate impulse to thrust more quickly. Resist that impulse! If anything, thrust even more slowly, and you will receive a prolonged, intense orgasm. I like to pretend that I am Odysseus lashed to the mast striving to resist the sweet temptation of the siren song.

Elle: Well, I didn’t know the full backstory to this one before we wrote this! Greek mythology?! What I did know was that when he does this, it is as though he is putting himself through some kind of exquisite agony. When James first did this, I asked him if he was okay. He cries out again and again. I like that I can help him get off with such intensity.

James: Me too!

9. Best nipple play for men and women

Elle: When done right, nipple play creates a direct electrical connection to my pussy. One time, James and my other partner, Nat, were sucking my nipples, and I thought that I would cum just from that. Having a mouth on each nipple is hard to beat! For nipples, I like the opposite of genital play. That is to say, while I like a steady fuck and consistent cunnilingus, I like to mix it up when it comes to nipple play. Swirling, sucking, nibbling are all good. No hard biting for the most part. When I am with a woman, sucking her nipples is immediate, like I am magnetically drawn to it. I also like to lick men’s nipples, and they like it too. It makes James convulse with pleasure.

James: Yes it does, and I usually have to beg her to stop because it is so intense. Nobody tells you that men’s nipples are erogenous zones, too. When licking nipples, I have learned it’s important to employ the “fairness doctrine,” which means to give equal time and attention to each breast. Swirling seems to produce the most delight for her and for me, but Elle tells me that there is something primal about suckling, which is drawing the nipple in with suction created by pressing the tongue down in the mouth. For me the best nipple play is someone seeing Elle’s naturally erect nipples for the first time. They are a sight that takes your breath away. To make them really stand out, we have some nipple suckers that we mostly apply at parties, and when we pull them off, Elle’s nipples look amazing! Swollen, engorged nipples are damn sexy (Tamara agrees).

Elle: The nipple suckers are a lot more comfortable than clamps, but they serve a similar purpose. That is, to create pressure and intensity on the nipple, and taking them off to relieve that pressure creates a new pleasure.

10. Multiple orgasms for her and for him!

Elle: One of the sexual advantage of being a woman, is that multiple orgasms are imminently possible. Not everyone has them, and even those that do don’t have them all the time. Sometimes even when I have had a strong orgasm, I feel like I am not quite done, so the possibility of another orgasm is present. If the first one is through manual stimulation, I don’t want any more hands on me. I squeeze my legs together and clench my vaginal walls. That can produce an “after-shock.” If I orgasm while using a toy, continuing to hold it in place can often bring on a second orgasm, if I can get past the “too much, too much, too much” to let it happen.

James: I love it when that happens. For men, there is the “one and done” stereotype, that I encourage you to shake off. I am not saying that the refractory period is not a real thing. It is. Sometimes, I want only one orgasm, and that is usually the “norm.” But, when we have a party with friends, and it goes for four or more hours, I can cum four or five times. But, what I mean by multiple orgasms for men, is something else. I think of it as “powering through.” Sometimes, when I cum (and I can’t do it consistently) my cock is still hard, and I keep going. It helps to cum in your playmate’s mouth or on their back; reinsert; and then power though the initial “too much” and keep going. The most typical scenario is one oral, one vaginal. My friend, Dennis, told me he did this, and I thought, what have I got to lose? Sometimes, I run out of steam, but when I cum again, the woman I am with is like “damn!” It makes them feel really sexy to know that I came twice in one go with them. Try it, what have you got to lose?

Elle: And I like it too!

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