Mooney finished his concoction and returned to ogle the bar manager, Angie. He’d been bored with this excursion to a remote part of the Scottish Highlands, but pretending he was an actor, and Angie, were making him warm to the place.
‘It would take Navy SEALs to get me out of her,’ he said to his mate Paul. ‘No joke. She gave me the best blowjob ever last night. That Richard Dawkins would believe in God if she put those lovely red lips around his cock.’
‘She’ll find out you’re not actually an actor, then she won’t be interested.’
‘She won’t find out shit. Ah gave her Pete’s name and IMDb page. He’s the spitting image of me.’
‘Your cousin’s a glorified extra.’
‘With speaking parts in Taggart and Under the Skin. Anyway, ah told her am a Shakespearean cunt.’
‘Well, at least part of that statement is true.’ Paul had heard enough and decided to go back to the hotel rather than listen to Mooney jabbering about his barely concealed cock…
Last orders came and went, and Mooney and Angie waited until the final broken-arsed drunk crab-walked through the exit. ‘Wait a minute,’ she said, locking the pub doors. Mooney was soon bowing before her, staring up at her huge, erect nipples. The freezing cold floor wasn’t ideal, but some things were worth getting sore knees for.
‘Grab my arse while you lick me.’ She groaned louder and furiously flicked her clit. ‘Don’t stop! Put your tongue in!’ The tremors came. Adrenaline rushed through Mooney’s body. ‘Am cumming,’ she said just before an unexpected tidal wave of biblical proportions burst into his face. Yip. Waterboarding is definitely torture.
‘Fuckin hell,’ he said, looking at a pixelated pubic region.
‘Get your cock out,’ Angie said, dragging him to his feet and roughly pulling down his jeans. She briefly took it between her big lips, then slapped it around her face several times before pointing to the cold, unforgiving floor. Mooney obeyed. Angie grabbed his dick and shunted it around. His throbbing dick slipped in, and she rode him like a jockey trying to pip the leader on the line of the Grand National. A quick twist of his nipples was followed by a friendly slap to the face.
‘Fuckin hell,’ Mooney said, hoping a few nearby Navy SEALs heard him.
‘Am cumming,’ she said again.
‘Aw shit,’ Mooney mumbled before Angie’s hands pressed down on his neck. She released her grip, pulled herself off Mooney’s dick and stood up to squirt all over his shagged-out shell of a body. He was about to call for an immediate ceasefire when she pulled him back to his feet, bent over and invited him inside her dripping wet cunt.
‘Yes!’ she screamed. ‘Harder! Faster! Spank me!’ Mooney upped the pace, fearing repercussions if he didn’t follow Angie’s instructions to the letter. ‘Cum all over me! Do it now! Now! NOW!’ Mooney graduated to horny beyond belief as Angie behaved like the ringleader of a pagan sacrifice. It was definitely love.
‘Cover my face you dirty fucker!’ she demanded through clenched teeth. Mooney could feel it building up. ‘That’s it! Harder! Harder! Do it now! NOW!’ Mooney could go no harder. His body was at the point of giving out on him. He pulled it out. Angie turned, dropped to her knees and threw her head around in the direction of the flying cum. There had never been an orgasm like it. Angie was the Mozart of making a cock explode.
Mooney propped himself against the bar to recover, but Angie was having none of this rest rubbish. She was still leasing Charlie Manson’s mugshot eyes and was intent on getting her money’s worth. Mooney assumed his position on the floor and a gorgeous pussy covered his nose and mouth. Any attempt at speech disappeared into the abyss. Angie’s ravenous mouth sucked on his dick and she pulled it with a death grip until it shot another load.
Mooney stared down at his Achilles hard-on and wondered what was going on as Angie went in for more. Have to hang in there. It’s just the Viagra. The hard-on will eventually go away, or she’ll get dehydrated from all the squirting.
This is it, Angie thought. I’ve finally met my match and have a man who’s relentless and resilient. Mooney was nothing of the sort. In normal circumstances, he would’ve been sleeping in a hospital bed fifteen minutes ago.
Mooney embraced unconsciousness just after Angie squirted all over his grinning if otherwise lifeless face. ‘Carl!’ Angie said, spraying him with water from behind the bar. Mooney opened his eyes, looked down at his rock-hard cock and blacked out again. Shit. Angie frantically called an ambulance, then quickly dressed herself and Mooney and dragged his mostly limp body outside the pub.
The air ambulance helicopter flew into Kirkness, stirring most of the neighbouring area. Angie, in a state of shock and arousal, saw two male paramedics in uniform get out the ambulance and check Mooney’s breathing. One of them pointed to the bulge in Mooney’s trousers and smiled.
‘What happened here?’ the tall, dark paramedic asked.
‘Ah found him outside. He was paralytic.’
‘He looks like he’s on something more than just drink.’
‘Viagra for starters,’ the other paramedic said.
Mooney’s eyes opened as he was put in the ambulance. ‘What the fuck is happening?’ he asked.
‘We’re driving you to a helicopter and flying you to a hospital,’ a man with rubber gloves said.
‘Thank fuck. Ah thought ah was still in that pub.’
‘What have you taken?’ the tall paramedic asked.
‘Nothing,’ Mooney slurred.
‘You have have to tell us.’
‘Just Viagra,’ Mooney said. ‘Ritalin, beers, cocktails and a wee bit of ecstasy hours ago.’
‘Okay. We’re gonna have to drain your penis.’
‘What?! Naw, naw, you cannae stick anything in there! Ah need it!’
‘Just calm down. Everything will be fine. It’s just a little prick.’