Interracial dating and sex. A guide to how not to f*ck up!
When I was living in England for university, I was told many times that I was “exotic.” I soon realized that just meant I wasn’t white. In a sea of white faces, I was tall, with very dark skin and an accent they couldn’t quite place.
University life was a wild ride and I will be the first to admit that I definitely let loose. I had an absolutely amazing and slightly reckless time. It was then that I discovered a love of bars and clubs and started to experiment sexually.
Saturday nights would have me bar-hopping with friends and then I would encounter That Guy. He would eye me up, walk over with arrogant confidence and say,
“I’ve never been with a black girl before.”
Notice, the lack of an introduction or a simple hello. Nope, it was straight to the main course. A girl couldn’t even get an appetizer! Honestly, I felt like I was in a video game and I was a side mission he had to conquer before reaching level 4. But what was worst, was the look of confidence on their faces, as if this was a sure thing!
In my mind, I’m just thinking, slow down player 2.
Maybe there are women out there who enjoy being seen as a fetish, but that sure as hell wasn’t me. Do you want to know the ironic thing? I actually like white guys. All of my past relationships have been with white men. There would have been a good chance of us hooking up, had you not made me out to be your fetish of the night.
I don’t mind if I’m the first black woman you’ve been with. However, I do mind if the only reason you want to have sex with me is so you can say, “I’ve fucked a black girl.” I’m not an object or a notch on your rainbow bedpost.
I honestly do not believe these men meant any type of malice towards me nor intended to make me feel uncomfortable. To those of you who are still reading, it’s fine to be sexually interested in people of a certain race, nationality, hair color, or weight, for example. However, it is a bit shitty to treat them as if they are nothing more than their race, nationality, hair color, weight.
These guys may have genuinely thought they were showing interest or being sexy, but really, they were just pointing out that I’m a minority in this country and that’s the only reason they want to be with me that night. I can tell you right now, from my side, that does not make me feel desired or wanted. It just makes me feel used.
Now, I’m all for white men approaching me and telling me they are interested in being with me sexually. But, do so because you like me. Do so because you enjoyed our conversation at the bar, we had sexual chemistry whilst we danced or because we should be more than just friends.
So, if you are interested in a casual fling, long term relationship, threesome, orgy or whatever, maybe I’m your girl! But please, do not fucking approach me with, “I’ve never been with a black girl before.”
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