I can’t believe I’m actually going to have sex with an 18-year-old woman. Wow. This really is the last thing I expected.
I am 49. I’m turning fifty soon. She is less than half my age. I met Kayla at this birthday party. She was a friend of my friend’s daughter, who brought her to the party. We were just hanging out and we got to talking. She was super funny. She told me that life is a dystopia because of 100 percent cotton.
“One hundred present cotton?” I said. “Why?”
“Because. You find an outfit that you really like. Then you look at the label, and then wham. What a disappointment. One hundred percent cotton!”
“What’s wrong with one hundred percent cotton?” I asked.
“It shrinks, dummy,” she said. “The first time you put it in the wash it shrinks and it will be too small. And that’s why life is a dystopia.”
I liked how she called me dummy. We had only been talking a few minutes and already she’d assumed that intimacy with me.
I looked around for my wife. Good. She was over there with some of her wife friends. And my kids, who thank God are way younger than Kayla, were in the backyard. To tell the truth, my marriage hasn’t been that great since the kids came along. It’s like my wife’s not sexy or funny any more, she’s just worried about the kids all the time. Hey, I’m not blaming her — it’s her biological imperative I guess. Freak out about the kids. Freak out about the kids!
I’m feeling a little bit in a rut, to tell the truth. In my career. I didn’t get the promotion I wanted. Yeah, I work at a pretty well known tech company here in LA. Don’t get all excited, it’s a fucking corporation, that’s all. I have to drive an hour to our offices from Silver Lake every morning. I am sick of traffic. I am sick of my job.
I was sick of everything, I guess. Then I met Kayla.
Oh my God. She was so cute. She was so unbelievably pixie and cute. She looked like a fairy.
“I really enjoy talking to you,” I said. “You make me laugh.”
“You make me laugh, too,” she said. “You’re really funny.”
“Oh, you know you’re funny, dummy,” she said, calling me that again. “But you know what’s funniest?”
“That fact that you think an old guy like you actually has a chance with me,” she said, grinning.
“I think that? How do you know I think that?”
“You’ve got a half chub,” she said, looking down at my pants.
Oh my gosh, I did have half an erection.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t even realize. You know, those things are involuntary. You’re sexy. I’m horny. You think it’s funny, though?”
“Oh, don’t be all sad, dummy,” she said. “I think it’s cute, too. I get turned on by guys with Dad bods.”
“Dad bods? Hey! I work out you know…sometimes.”
She smiled. She did think I was funny!
“So should we meet up?” she said. “I know you said your wife was here, so I guess we can’t hook up today. But you know, maybe you could sneak out some time. I’ve always wanted to have an affair.”
“Oh I see what this is,” I said. “I’m asleep and I’m having this amazing dream where this super cute girl who’s half my age tells me at a party that she wants to hook up with me. Damn! Am I going to wake up soon?”
“I don’t know, dummy,” she said. “Are you?”
She leaned in and gave me a quick kiss on the lips. I felt her tongue for a second. Then she walked away. I watched her cute little ass swinging in her jean shorts. She headed over to where the young people were hanging and I headed over to where the old people were hanging. And I think by that time my half erection had gone away. Thank God. And life was back to boring normal.
But for a second there. Holy shit. I actually felt alive!
I didn’t expect to go to bed with her on our first “date.” I mean it wasn’t even a date. I met her in Venice during my lunch break. I took her to an expensive restaurant on Abbot Kinney.
“You don’t have to blow a bunch of money on me, you know,” she said. “I told you, I’m into you. Save your money for your kids’ private school education. It’s fucking expensive out here. What is it, like fifty thousand dollars? Otherwise you’d have to send your kids to school with minorities.”
Oh, I should mention, she was a minority. Is it important which minority? I’m not even going to get into it. Let’s just say she was a woman of color. And I was — and still am — white.
“Yeah, I would hate for them to have to hang out with minorities,” I said. “That would be really awful.”
“You jest, but that’s how white people think out here,” she said.
It was true. The people I knew were fine sending their kids to public elementary or even middle school. But the idea of sending them to a gang infested high school full of brown people made them throw up their iced lattes all over their MacBooks. And she was right, we were in fact saving our pennies to try to afford Campbell Hall. I didn’t even know how much it cost for high school, but I imagined it would be around fifty thousand.
“You don’t have to take me to places like this,” she said. “I’d rather go to a hamburger place.”
“Alright, next time hamburgers,” I said. “But today, 20 dollar avocado toast appetizer, I know you want it. Go on, order it. Live a little.”
“Avocado gives me hives. You don’t want to see hives on this sweet ass when you’re tearing into it later, do you?”
“Oh my God, listen to you,” I said. “You kiss with that mouth?”
“Yeah,” she said, and she leaned across the table.
We had our first long smooch. And it went from there, we were really in the zone. Making funny comments. We walked hand in hand down the boulevard. Shit, what if someone saw me from work? Ah, fuck it. Who cares? I didn’t care about anything any more. I only cared about fucking Kayla.
As we walked up the one flight of stairs to her apartment in the shitty section of Palms, I asked her, “So, your mother’s at work and your brothers and sisters are in school, so we have the whole place to ourselves?”
“Yeah, dummy, that’s what I told you already,” she said. “How excited are you?”
She put the key in the door.
“I’m still pinching myself,” I said. “I can’t fucking believe it. You are the funniest, prettiest and sexiest piece of ass I’ve ever laid eyes on and you’re actually going to fuck me. I mean…”
“Yeah, and you’re the most average Dad Bod corporate loser with a wife and two kids and for some fucking reason, I am so wet that I can feel it running down my shorts. Look. Look at this…”
She put her hand on the crotch of her shorts, and I could see the cunt juice darkening it.
“Why do you do this to me?” she wondered, out loud. “I must have Daddy issues. You know, I haven’t seen my Daddy in ten years.”
“Well, Daddy’s home now,” I said, following her in. “And he brought you something special. Here.”
I put her hand on my crotch and she felt my erection as we made out. I didn’t even notice the surroundings. It smelled a little musty. Next thing I knew I was in her tiny girl’s bedroom. There were posters of some young idiots I had no idea who they were. And there were teddy bears!
I couldn’t believe my luck, then, as she came down on the single bed with me. She had ample breasts, the cleavage of which was quite visible in her low cut maroon t-shirt. But it was her ass and brown legs that sent me into that “this can’t be happening” place. Oh my God.
“You’re sure you’re OK with cheating on your wife,” she asked me. “This is your last chance. Turn back now, or else…”
“This is your last chance,” I said. “You really want to see this Dad bod?”
“Yes,” she laughed, pulling off my shirt.
And then she started kissing my shoulders and my chest. I pulled off her shirt and took off her bra. There she was. An 18-year-old body in the bed with me. An 18-year-old pair of tits. So firm and perky and lovely. I was about to start sucking them when —
“Wait a minute,” I said. “Maybe I should see your driver’s license first. You’re really 18?”
“Yes, dummy! I turn nineteen next month. Now suck my titties.”
There I was completely naked, and she was completely naked next to me. We were staring into each other’s eyes. Kissing. Fondling each other. My hand on her pussy now. She was shaved, of course. That only made it even more intense. And man, was she wet. I rubbed her and put a couple of fingers in her, and, geez, I guess she’d probably never been with anyone who knew what they were doing, because she started making a hell of a lot of noise.
“Oh yeah, dummy,” she said. “Do it to me, dummy.”
At the same time, she reached over and started rubbing my cock. That she seemed to have had enough experience with that she knew how to choke the shaft and get me really going.
“Come on, dummy,” she said. “Fuck me now.”
And that’s when time really slowed down. I looked her in the eyes, and all the joking and the laughter seemed to fall away. We looked at each other seriously, and deeply now. And it was like slow motion. I stroked her beautiful black hair. I kissed her eyes. I kissed her nose. I was in a truly altered state. It was like drugs. I stopped on her breasts for a little while, kissing them both tenderly.
“You’re so lovely,” I said, sincerely. “You’re just…lovely.”
“Thank you,” she said, sincerely, looking me deep in the eyes.
And then, I put my cock on the slit between her legs.
“It’s my first time,” she cried out. “Be gentle, Daddy.”
Her first time?
Now this is where most guys in the movies stop and come to their senses. It was exactly the scene, in fact, in this movie I remember. American Beauty. The Dad is about to fuck her and he finds out she’s a virgin so he stops.
Hearing this had the opposite effect on me. My hard on just got twice as hard. And the mood we were in became even more druggy and slow motion.
“This just keeps getting better,” I said to myself.
“Don’t worry baby,” I said. “Daddy’s gonna be real gentle with you.”
And then she burst out laughing.
“Ahh ha ha ha!” she laughed. “I got you.”
“What? It’s not your first time?”
“Nah, I had a boyfriend last year. We fucked all the time.”
“Oh, that was funny,” I said. “You got me there! Good one!”
“It’s like, probably my sixtieth time, Daddy,” she said. “But if you want to imagine it’s my first, you go ahead.”
“No,” I said. “You really are funny, Kayla. I gotta hand it to you. You have a real wicked sense of humor. Making me think I was actually going to…”
And then I was in her, and I forgot what I was even saying.
I’m actually fucking her now, I thought to myself. And man, it’s tight. Tight and good. I hadn’t felt anything like this since, well, since before my wife had two babies.
“Oh my God,” I cried out.
“You like it, Daddy?” she asked, breathlessly, looking up at me, deep in my eyes.
“Oh yeah, Daddy likes,” I said.
Every stroke, every thrust, was a stroke and thrust into the land of pure milk and honey. I was one lucky son of a bitch, that’s for sure. She held her legs high in the air and really got her pelvis into it. Oh yeah, this bitch had been fucked before. She knew what to do. She made little circles with her pelvis, like doing some kind of crazy dance with her hips that made my cock feel like it had slipped into a whirlpool and was being dragged down to oblivion.
“This is nice, baby,” she said then. “My stupid boyfriend woulda finished by now.”
“Oh, I’m just getting started,” I said.
“Yeah, that’s what I heard about the older guys. They can go longer.”
“I can go all afternoon,” I told her.
“Um, my sister will be home in an hour.”
“Oh right,” I said. “Alright, let’s get to it. Come on top of me and show me your stuff.”
Oh, on top she was a real artist. I held onto her tight ass and felt her tight abs rippling in my hands as she energetically leaped on me. I knew how to grind my pelvis into her pelvis every time she bore down on me –it was something my wife taught me, actually. And it did the trick. Her eyes started going all wide.
“Oh, that’s nice Daddy,” she said. “That’s hitting it real good…I think, I think I’m…”
And then she came. She screamed and came. It was such a pretty sight. This pretty 18-year-old having an orgasm on my cock. I had to really work to hold down my own orgasm. That’s the last thing I wanted, for my fun to be over. I had an ambition to fuck that sweet ass from behind, like she’d intimated earlier when she talked about the avocado allergy and the hives. And my other ambition was to finish in her mouth. She had very thick and luscious lips. I still hadn’t felt them around my cock. So I did my very best to hold back and thank God I was almost fifty. I have finally mastered the art of self control!
“Oh Daddy,” she said. “What you do to me…”
“You ain’t seen nothing yet,” I said.
I guided her into an all fours position and I got behind her.
Time slowed way down again. I looked at that ass. It had a strong bikini line, she was a real beach gal, I guessed. Her thighs were dark brown up to the line, and then her buttocks were very light brown. And it was as big as a large pumpkin. And it was mine, all mine. I watched my cock disappear into the crack. And it found its moist spot and entered her pussy. And I started slowly fucking her and moaning in such pleasure that she started laughing at me. I didn’t care. In fact, I almost wanted to die, then. I knew my life was never going to get any better than this. I mean I really knew. When I was 19 and I fucked my girlfriend in exactly this same way, I had had no fucking idea that I was standing at the pinnacle. I thought that was just one of many great experiences to come. No. That was the best. Or should I say second best. Cause this girl was twice as hot as my girlfriend had been. And I was smart enough to enjoy it one hundred percent. I let the pleasure just flood over me. I felt like I was being swept away in a hurricane of joy. That’s why I moaned so.
“Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,” I moaned.
“Oh what, dummy?” she joked. “Spit it out.”
“Oh you are the finest piece of ass I’ve ever had,” I said. “And I’m enjoying this more than you could ever imagine. I think I’m ready to die. Kill me now. I will be happy.”
“I can’t kill you,” she joked. “I’m already on probation for assault.”
“Yeah, I ran my boyfriend over when he cheated on me. Almost killed him.”
Oh shit, I thought. There had to be a catch. Kayla was crazy. Of course she was crazy. Why else would she be fucking me? I was almost 50. Only a crazy 18-year-old wants to fuck her friend’s father’s fifty-year-old friend. I saw how it was going to play out. She was going to be a fatal attraction. She was going to destroy my family. I was going to lose everything…
And you know what…?
I didn’t care.
“Oh yeah baby!” I said. “You’re a real firecracker. That’s what I like!”
I fucked her and fucked her as hard as I could. And she took it. She took it real good.
Then exhausted I collapsed on the bed and said, “Now put your sexy mouth on that dick, Kayla.”
Soon she was sucking my dick and I knew I was about to come. I wanted it to last forever, these last great moments. Ahead, only sorrow lay. But in this present moment, as those luscious lips tracked their way down the shaft of my throbbing cock, as the people at the office were starting to wonder where I was, as my wife was off worrying about the kids, as the rest of the world contorted in its torment, as I lay back and let an 18-year-old suck the life right out of my cock, I could no longer hold back the dam. It burst.
I came like crazy.
She didn’t let it hit her face. She didn’t swallow it. She just let it spray all over her childhood bed. It hit her walls. I think some got on one of those stupid posters. It was crazy. How could so much cum shoot out of just one cock?
“Wow, dummy,” she said. “You really just messed up my room.”
“Sorry, beautiful,” I said. “I’ve never had such a….powerful…sexual….”
“Oh my god,” she smiled, looking at me. She put her hand on the corner of my eyes. My eyes were wet.
“Dummy, why are you crying?”
“Tears of joy,” I said. “Tears of joy, beautiful. Tears of utter joy!”
“Look dummy,” she said, picking her t-shirt off the bed. “You got it all over my shirt.”
I took the shirt. I looked at the label.
“Oh no,” I said to Kayla. “Take a look.”
She looked at the label.
“Damn!” She said. “One hundred percent cotton! That’s gonna shrink. You owe me a new shirt, dummy. See, that’s why this world is a fucking dystopia! You can’t catch a fucking break!”
And then we started laughing . I knew what was coming in the not so distant future. Lawyers and custody hearings? Unemployment? Restraining orders? Jail? Threats? Violence? Boiled rabbits?
But as I lay in that bed laughing and crying, it was as though a corpse within myself had been somehow revived. I was alive again!
“Fuckin one hundred percent cotton!”